


Wait in Vain

by thehurtyouwant



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28167006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehurtyouwant/pseuds/thehurtyouwant
Summary: He may have been in her arms but he wanted to be in the arms of someone else. Post 5x03 trying to validate Riley's feelings they so callously glossed over.
Relationships: Mac - Relationship, Riley Davis & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Wait in Vain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [macrileyargentina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/macrileyargentina/gifts).



A/N: I'm not sure what happened last night…but let's mourn together.

Wait in Vain

She got home from work feeling good. They would finally be able to close the nightmarish chapter that was Codex. It gave her a renewed zeal for life. She felt like they had not been able to move on since. And now that Codex had been dismantled, they had a future. That buzzing in her stomach was short-lived though. She got a text from Desi cancelling their plans because she had a date with Mac. She read the text and the floor beneath her feet felt like it gave away. She felt that familiar tightness in her chest. The stinging in her eyes she knew all to well.

She thought she was over Mac, but if she was over him, why did she suddenly feel nauseous?

She knew about two months after his aunt died. That it was all in vain. Her loving him.

He had been strong but she knew him better. Two losses in such a short period of time. Who could ever be okay after that?

She had not been able to sleep and found him on the couch staring blankly at informercials on the TV. As if approaching a wild stray cat, she was timid and careful so she wouldn't scare him away. She sat quietly next to him and put her arm around his shoulders. She thought she had made the wrong decision but a moment later her leaned into her chest sobbed quietly. She held him tighter, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

To this day, she could still feel the warm of his head against her chin. She closed her eyes and could even smell him. Riley dropped down to her couch as the weight of the memory knocked her off her feet.

She remembered how they had fallen into a routine. She held him every night that week. Until the Saturday night when he began to fall asleep in her arms. Somewhere between sleep and wake she helped him to his room. After she tucked him in and turned on her heels to leave, she felt his arms around her waist, pulling her down on to the bed next to him. She was surprised but couldn't make a sound and he nestled his head into her chest, mumbling in his sleep.

"Stay…please," Riley was torn. She didn't know how he would react when he woke up in a less vulnerable mood and found her in his bed. But he kept mumbling.

"Don't leave me…please…Desi." When he said her name, she felt like he had taken his pocket knife to her chest. He might as well have as the pain was just as intense. He may have been in her arms but he wanted to be in someone else's. He stilled in his sleep as she cried next to his sleeping form.

As Riley looked at the text from Desi, she felt like she was back in his bed, wishing she could crawl out of her own skin. She felt like she had undone all of her progress only to realize she had made no progress. She had never gotten over him. Only pretended she did.

Moving out had made the wound worst instead of close it. She remembered the say she left.

She was taping up boxes in her room when he passed by and knocked on the open door.

"I'm all packed," she said. She didn't know what she was expecting, maybe she wanted him to insist she stay one more time and she would finally pretend to be worn down and give in. Truth was, she didn't want to leave but she knew she had to. Mac and Desi were not even together and he still couldn't see what was in front of him. She had no competition and yet she still couldn't win.

Even though she knew things wouldn't play out the way she wanted it to…she still turned to him with bated breath waiting for him to say something that would make her stay.

She held his gaze, her hands frozen on the box, as he said, "let me know if you need any help."

Disappointment wrapped around her and stole her ability to speak. She shook her head hoping desperately that he would walk away before her eyes glazed over. And he did. She finished packing and left. He had barely blinked when she told him she was moving, he was busy with his Codex vendetta and her leaving was barely a blip on his radar.

If she didn't know for sure it was all in vain then, then she knew at the beginning of the pandemic. The virus had just entered the States, they were in the war room watching the news as the world descended into chaos. Desi had cleared her throat and it sounded like a cough. His inner panic button had been flipped on and concern gathered behind his eyes. She knew because while he was looking at Desi, she was looking at him.

The easy way out of it would be to hate to Desi. Blame it all on her. But that was a low she couldn't sink to. She knew deep down that even if it wasn't Desi, it still wouldn't be her.

She was a lot of things to Mac, friend, confidant and coworker but the one thing she would never be, was his love.

The pandemic was enough to distract her. More than that, it had completely consumed her mind. The lives lost, the soci0ecoonmic repercussions and a completely new way of life had occupied her mind. For a time, she convinced herself that she had gotten over him.

And she was at peace. But the moment the vaccination began being distributed and Mac invited them all over to celebrate, her feelings hit her like a freight train.

They had not seen each other in a few months as quarantine had grounded all world saving antics. When she laid eyes on him for the first time in months, under dim lights, she swore he looked like a young god. He had let his hair grow out a little but his eyes were still brilliant as ever. His smile still compassionate and warm. How could she ever put up a fight?

"Riles," he greeted her with a big hug that lifted her feet off the ground. She held on tight and memorized the way it felt to be in his arms because she knew it would soon be over. And when it was, she had to excuse herself to the bathroom. Behind closed doors she fell apart. She knew hunched over Mac's basin covering her mouth so her sobs wouldn't be heard, that she was at rock bottom. Or so she thought…

Actual rock bottom was mud bathing with Desi…having her finally open up. Except the only feelings she wanted to get off of her chest were about Mac.

"I don't know...have you ever wanted something so much it hurts?"

She did.

"But the more you try to hold, the more it seems to slip away,"

She did.

Desi sighed, "I don't know, maybe I should just give up. Maybe it isn't worth it."

It wasn't.

The good thing about rock bottom was the grim fact that she couldn't be any lower.

She and Desi were finally friends. At least it felt like that but could she still call herself a true friend to Desi even though they were in love with the same guy?

She couldn't offer any advice to Desi, in a sick way, they were in the same boat. Waiting for Mac to come to them. The realization made her want to laugh and cry at the same time.

The new dynamic with Desi changed everything. She felt silenced. She could never be transparent about her feelings for Mac without coming off like a backstabbing bitch…even though she had properly loved Mac before Desi even knew the Phoenix Foundation existed.

What good would telling Mac do anyway? It would just ruin their friendship and make it impossible to work together. She knew she had no choice but to keep it in. But there was a small part of her that knew it would fester inside of her. Eventually, it would start to eat away at her…like a cancer.

Riley curled up on the couch in a fetal position and let exhaustion wash over her like a wave. It was a long day of lying. She lied to Bozer, lied to Mac and worst of all, she lied to herself.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

She would cry until she fell asleep. Let the heartbreak consume her until her body could no longer bear it. But tomorrow she would get up, put her face on and pretend to be okay. She would go to work, stand at his side and pretend it was enough. She would smile and joke with the woman Mac loved. She had to tell herself that eventually it would all go away. Surely, she couldn't love him forever? More tears rolled down her cheek. She could lift her hand and wipe them but what was the point? It would all be in vain.


End file.
